Ownership. What does it really mean to own a business? What does it really mean to own anything for that matter? Yes I started it. Yes, the rights to it are mine. But what if you feel as though you don’t own it? What if your actions somehow betray, give away what’s really happening in your mind? Won’t your decision somehow be affected by your lack of ownership? It’s one thing to have the rights to something, quite another to own it.
For too long I secretly wished that someone would come in and guide me, guide my actions toward my business, feeling deep inside that somehow my actions, my thoughts, my beliefs, were somehow not good enough, not right enough, were inferior, not strong enough – that someone else would come in and do a better job. I prayed continually that a “better person“ would come along, someone I myself could follow, someone who could step in and I could assist, someone else who would be responsible for the outcomes, for the decisions.
Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like they merely were set in a position of leadership only temporarily at best until the “real“ leader arrived?
I definitely feel that way, and when I dwell on it, feeling that way doesn’t make any sense. But more and more I’m beginning to understand that the feeling I have is just that – a feeling, and that feeling might not be in alignment with reality at all.
The reality is that I am in a position of leadership – I am a leader, actually the leader of my organization, and that people actually see me that way.
I can’t believe I have a hard time accepting this fact – that people see me as a leader. My employees see me as the leader. The general public sees me as the leader. Why on earth can I not accept myself the way others accept me?
I know most people would somehow raise their eyebrows and wonder at how this could be, but in truth I have so doubted in my ownership that I actually sought to empower others to lead in hopes that they would somehow be the ones I could follow! No wonder I’ve been so confused. No wonder they’ve been confused! No wonder they haven’t performed as expected. I’ve expected them to be the leader when all along they’ve expected me to be the leader. And rightfully so. I am the one who hired them. What happens when I don’t lead them? They assume a leadership role no one intended and they begin leading themselves because no one else will lead them! Then when they don’t align with the vision I’ve been entrusted with, I blame them for not leading me in my own vision!
Wow. What a mess. But it’s a mess I’m responsible for by not assuming ownership of what I’ve been given, by not feeling worthy of this wonderful gift. Maybe I’m not worthy. Maybe I’m not deserving. Surely some would think that. Why wouldn’t they? I’ve thought it myself! Regardless, what’s mine is mine and I should learn to act like it.
I am humbled at the grace that has been bestowed upon me, and it actually is grace that I have what I have been entrusted with. It’s holy ground that I walk on with regard to the ones who have been assigned to help me with the vision.
Dear Lord, please help me today accept the mission you’ve given me, and help me lead not only myself but the ones you’ve been trusted to my care. Forgive me and all my inadequacies, please overlook them and make me adequate to the task. May I be strong when I am to be strong, merciful when mercy is necessary, firm when that is necessary and fluid in defense of all that will come against me. Allow me to align with the truth that is eternal as earth, time and matter itself, allow me to shed what is false, untrue, unnecessary and unvaluable in pursuit of being whole. Allow those who build with me the strength to build, those who gather with me to be wise in their gathering and those among me who scatter – allow them to scatter and be dispersed. Give me the strength to own what you’ve given me, the discipline to carry out the tasks before me, the wisdom to see the path set before me, and the courage to forge ahead even when the darkness seems to overshadow. This is my sincere prayer, in hope.